HCQ, Blizzards and Existential Dread!


So it's been an eventful day and I figured I would write in my journal. I had a doctors appointment with my Rheumatologist and we finally have enough evidence to put me on a controller medication for my autoimmune disorder. I've had it my entire life but as the medications can have dangerous side effects they like to wait as long as they can before giving you one of the immunosuppressants. I start Hydroxychloroquine tomorrow. I really hope that it works to stop the fevers, rash, abdominal pain and joint swelling. I spent a lot of time trying to get people to stop pushing this drug as a prevention or treatment for coronavirus. The irony here is not lost on me.

When I woke up this morning it was snowing a little. Maybe 2 inches were on the ground. It's not odd to get a little snow that melts quickly where I live this time of year. However the snow has not stopped. It's become a full blown blizzard and we now have 8" of bloody snow! I was supposed to have several weeks before this happened at least! For years we haven't gotten heavy snow like this until December but this autumn has been unusually cold here in Vermont. We had nights in the 30's back in Sept. This is a problem because I have not finished construction on the 10'x10' walk in chicken coop yet! It was due to be done by the end of this week. Thank God the foundation and floor are done. But it's going to be a nightmare working on it in calf deep snow!

Now for the existential dread part...Once I got back from the doctor's and checked my messages I had a DM from my friend on Twitter with the #HistoricalArchive on it. Those of you that know me, know I am working on a project to archive the history being made during this pandemic. My friend is a programmer who is working on a bot to help archive everything using that hashtag. Attached to the message was an article saying that Trump is threatening to fire Dr. Fauci if he gets re-elected. I can't figure out WHY he would say such a thing. He must know that that will only appeal to his most dedicated supporters. I've got friends voting for him that love Dr. Fauci. If he wins it will be a disaster. A real one. Think this year has been bad? You haven't seen anything yet. I don't know why there are people who can't see him for the monster he is. I get this "standing on the edge of a bottomless pit" feeling every time I think about it.

For me this pandemic is not about politics. I hate them. And I resent the fact that Trump has screwed up so badly that I have no choice but to address him and his antics. They are effecting real world events in a negative and direct way that damages our country. Anyone with a brain can look around the world and see there are ways to control this virus. Australia had 3 straight days with no cases and only one case yesterday. Taiwan is completely free of the virus and while a second wave is hitting Europe, the countries don't have near the death toll that we do. It didn't have to be this way. And all the people who are going to die over the next 6 months, many of them don't have to. We could even now take action to get this under control and mitigate those deaths. But we won't. And we never will if Trump is re-elected.

I feel like such a fool for thinking that elections didn't matter. I'm embarrassed by the fact that I have never voted before. I had no idea that one man could or would do the US so much damage. I thought we had fail safes to prevent this sort of thing. Now I know those fail safes have been slowly eroded over the years without many of us noticing. I now see that it's the entire reason politicians don't encourage us to vote. Sure they campaign to win but they don't want all of us voting. Just enough to win. If we had all been scrutinizing their action over the last few decades we would have known that our democracy was being dismantled. It's one of those things that once you know, you can't unknow. We desperately need new politicians who aren't greedy, evil, liars but I'm not sure such a thing exists. It's why before I never voted. I thought it didn't matter. Now I have an obligation to try to vote for the lesser of the 2 evils. I'll be paying much closer attention from now on.

As I said I have friends who are voting for Trump and some that are voting for Biden. I always wanted to stay away from politics because I didn't want to disrespect or alienate anyone. But I can no longer do that. What I can do is promise that I will never disrespect a person based on who they vote for. I will judge them only on the merit of their ideas and motivations. In other words, as long as your heart is in the right place then I totally support you in your choice. I'll keep doing what I have always done and look at each situation, topic, and person individually without bias or preconceived expectations. It's the best I can do.

This was a far more personal entry. Not much about the pandemic or the world at large. But I think it's important to make entries like this from time to time. After all I am not just writing for people to read this. I am writing for myself. I try to write like no one will ever read it. To tell the truth or at least my truth openly and honestly. I always hope that something I have to say can be of use to someone else but at the very least I know that writing here is good for me. And that's what matters in a journal anyway. Right?

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