Just keep swimming...


Things have gotten a lot harder for me. I had surgeries for a spine injury years ago and something went wrong right in the same spot about 6 weeks ago. I was hurting but moving around and started physical therapy again. Then in this last week things got bad. I can barely walk at all now and when I do I can't help crying out in pain. This could not come at a worse time. Being immobile and on mind clouding pain killers is a liability I really can't afford.

The entitlement of people is really getting to me. That guy who broke quarantine and risked all those people so he could go do a show, makes me so angry I can't see straight. Then there are the people criticizing me for saying that infected individuals should be moved around as little as possible to minimize risk. "If it was you or your family you would want to come home!" No. No I would not. I couldn't imagine choosing to put others at risk for my own convenience! It's like those assholes who ordered thousands of dollars of booze and threatened to break quarantine if they didn't get it!

I grew up in a bad environment. Bad as in BAD. I have had to find ways to not only survive but to make sure my children had a better life. I succeeded in that goal but still live in a rundown trailer without proper heat, with holes in the floor. And I STILL think of others before myself. I use what little I have to benefit other people. It's what you do!? Isn't it?

The virus is spreading rapidly. At least 20 have died in Iran confirmed by clinical diagnosis. It means they are looking at thousands of infected people. Italy has 8 people in severe condition and the numbers in the US keep growing. It seems that all the major world product producing countries are getting hit and hard. Japan, S. Korea, China, Hong Kong, Taiwan. There are already issues across all industries and it's not going to get any better any time soon. Most people seem to still be unaware of the danger and see it only through the small lens of how it's effecting THEM. They need to see the big picture and start focusing on solutions to the problems we are all going to be facing as this situation continues

At this point I don't much worry about "official" numbers anymore. They counted the one person in California with a positive test but didn't bother counting his close contact who is also showing symptoms. The US isn't counting clinical diagnosis and between faulty teats and a just plain refusal to test, it's pointless even considering those numbers as accurate. I keep getting people who contact me saying they had contact with someone from infected regions who are sick but no one will test them. They ask me what to do and all I can tell them is to self isolate and keep calling CDC and their local hospital. But I can see that the pressure to just say "screw it, I'm not that sick" is strong. Without a diagnosis people have no protection from getting fired and how on earth are they supposed to get money and buy food? No, it's best to assume that the virus is spreading and act accordingly.

I worry that I haven't been putting enough focus on infection prevention and disaster prep the last few days. It's a hard balance to strike between the news, spreading awareness, educating people and running a website. Add to that my current physical state. The main issue is that I can write all the educational guides in the world but if no one is taking it seriously or knows about them then what's the point? I have the most important basics up on the site for now so getting the news and spreading awareness is a priority, as long as I don't forget to keep directing people here.

The supply chain is already at the breaking point for important things like medicine and protective equipment. Every country dealing with an outbreak will be at a disadvantage from the start. Basic food is still in country for most places so it's secure for now, but I wouldn't bet my life that it will stay that way. Especially if the blatant carelessness of the authorities continues to create a perfect environment for covid-19 to spread. I get a lot of people wanting to "wake me up" regarding why everything is handled so badly but honestly I couldn't care less right now. My concern is in dealing with the problems in front of me and helping others to do so. Practical, logical solutions that normal people can employ to better their situation is what I care about.

This whole 're-infection' thing worries me greatly. There isn't enough data to know how many this could effect and to what degree. All I have right now are a few cases where a re-infection occurs triggering a massive auto immune attack on the body, specifically the heart. I have an auto immune disorder that works in a similar way. I try not to think too much about myself, how the virus will effect me if I'm infected. Fear without action is a useless emotion. You have to focus on the things you CAN control and accept the things you can't. Still, I would be lying if I said that it never crosses my mind.

This journal is really helping me to deal with everything. I have never really kept one before let alone shared it publicly. I try to write as if it weren't public, to just let my thoughts flow out however they come. It helps me clear my head and find focus amidst all the noise. Maybe it can help other people do that too. If nothing else people get to know my thought process and why I am doing the things I am. Anyway, I am going to check up on the news for the evening and see what's going on. Stay safe.

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