I have been working on this coronavirus project for about a week and today the emotional toll finally hit me. There was this video of a Chinese woman from Wuhan. She was talking about the situation there, about how even money can't buy you medicine or a hospital bed. About how her parents were sick and dying and she couldn't help them. About how if you stand up and try to say anything the police come and "ask you for tea" were at best they threaten you and at worst they kill you. Or maybe the worst is when they throw healthy people into quarantine camps so they get sick, and then let them die. I'm not sure which is worse to be honest. She was so brave. She knew the price for what she was doing but she was willing to pay it. She told Hong Kong and Taiwan and Tibet to rise up, to fight for freedom from the CCP. She spoke to the 700,000 people locked up in China's quarantine zone. She told them all to fight for freedom of speech and for human rights...I doubt I will see her again...Just like Dr. Li Wenliang. Just like Chen Qiushi, the journalist.
I started to cry. I cried and I cried and I couldn't stop. I still haven't stopped...
All the people who dared defy China's government and speak out about the virus and the human rights abuses disappear. Dr Li tried to warn us about the virus that China was hiding. They threw him in with the infected and let him die. Some say he actually got sick before they arrested him but it makes no difference. They made him sign this ridiculous statement saying he lied, and then they let him die without treatment. He is a Hero and I will never forget him.
It's the same with Chen Qiushi. I watched as he cried and shook from the fear, as he stood defiant and told the world what was really going on. He knew he was going to die...he knew. The last thing he reported before he went missing was about how China was lying about how many had dies and were sick. He snuck into the back of a hospital and showed us the bodies in the truck and on the floor waiting to be put in. He wasn't heard from again after that.
People make jokes about the virus and say, "it's just the flu" and "it's all media hype!" but how can they say that? Is 700,000 people being sealed into there own homes and being put into camps and so called "hospitals" with no treatment and no doctors media hype? Are the children I've seen asking there mothers why there are so many bodies "hype"? Is the suffering and pain of hundreds pf thousands of people just a bunch of hype? How can they say with a strait face "Oh you watch, it'll all blow over". Blow over? For who? Certainly not the people of China.
Then there is all the information I have read and watched from researchers and virologist, from CDC and W.H.O. trying to warn us that the virus is coming and we need to be ready. It's the understanding of all the little details about how this virus works and spreads. It's the 16+ hours a day that I work with researchers and people from all over the world gathering data and extracting it to make articles that I hope can help people.
It's normal. I know it is. No one can see so much suffering and death and not be effected by it. And I am going to continue on. I am going to cry until I can't cry anymore and then I am going to wipe my tears and get back to work. Those people matter. The threat this virus poses matters. There isn't a lot of time left before people realize the extent of the spread. The US military is constructing 28 huge quarantine camps after a representative from the CDC told congress to prepare for hundreds of thousands of cases. So I am going to keep going. I am going to keep mining the data and talking to people who know what it means. I am going to keep writing articles that I hope can help people stop the spread and be ready for an outbreak near them.
But I also need to take care of myself too. I'm no use if I drive myself into the ground. So I am starting this journal. And when I am frustrated or overwhelmed I will stop, take a breath and come here to put down my thoughts. I don't know what good it could possibly be to share this with anyone but I am going to leave it here where people can see it. Maybe it can be of help in a way. I don't know. I've stopped crying now. Thanks for listening.